Valentine’s Reds: Subtle Relationship Warning Signs

In the beginning, red flags in a relationship can be hard to spot. From love-bombing to subtle sexual coercion, true intentions can be shrouded in masks. This February, students can keep in mind some of The Hotline's warning signs. 

Physical abuse isn’t always direct contact. According to the Hotline, here are a few more discrete ways it can take place, including when a partner: 

• Restricts or controls your access to food or sleep 

• Drives dangerously while you are in the car or leaves you stranded in unfamiliar places 

• Pressures or forces you to use drugs or alcohol, particularly if you have a history of substance abuse 

• Confines you to your home or actively prevents you from leaving 

• Throws objects at or near you as a form of intimidation 

• Withholds prescribed medication or interferes with necessary medical care 

Like physical abuse’s cousin, emotional abuse can also be subtle enough it weasels past a person’s defenses until they’re left wondering when they had lost themselves. The Hotline suggests looking out for partners who: 

• Display excessive jealousy or possessiveness and refuse to trust you 

• Closely track your movements or communications, with or without your consent 

• Attempt to dictate your appearance, including clothing, makeup, or hairstyle choices 

And once someone is in a relationship where emotional anchors have been sunk in and physical violence has taken root, it can be even harder to acknowledge the third to this dark triad: sexual abuse. While true “no” is a complete sentence, even visible discomfort or “maybes” should be enough to deter partners from continuing. Still, some ignore these outright, and so the Hotline recommends watching for partners who: 

• Pressure you to dress in sexualized ways that make you uncomfortable 

• Use degrading or explicit language toward you in sexual contexts 

• Dismiss or disregard your feelings, boundaries, or concerns about sex 

• Coerce you into watching or creating pornographic material 

This February, don’t get caught up in the honeymoon phase. “No” is not the only boundary that matters -- “this is my life to live, not yours” is one, too.