Wasted on You

The house was quiet, like always when her son Zach was in school, but somehow, today, 
the quiet seemed strange as Jessica walked from her bedroom. Swaying down the hallway, she rubbed her aching head as she entered the living room, side stepping an antique rocking chair that was no longer there. When am I going to learn, Jessica thought as she continued into the kitchen. The old chair was a gift from her ex-husband Alex’s grandmother, and he took it with him when they separated almost a year ago; she was still not used to it being gone.

It was cold inside the house this morning, so Jessica pulled the heavy pink robe she was wearing closed and tied the fluffy belt that hung loosely at her sides around her waist. She looked at the sink full of dishes and the rest of the mess that her kitchen had become and sighed as she shuffled over to the counter where the coffee pot sat. It was half filled with yesterday’s leftover coffee. Her head was throbbing, and it felt like someone was taking a hammer and chisel to her brain.  

After setting up the coffee maker, she grabbed some Tylenol from the medicine cabinet and sat down on a tall stool at the marble-topped breakfast bar in the center of the kitchen. She used the scrunchy that waited on her wrist to throw her messy blonde hair up in a ponytail. She caught a whiff of cigarette smoke from her hair, and the smell of the stale smoke caused the mix of tequila and beer in her stomach to churn. She had to steady herself so as not to get sick. The smell also sent a shiver of a memory through her brain. It reminded her of the last bar 
she visited the night before. She usually stayed out of bars that allowed smoking, but she was enticed by the idea of a light-up dance floor. Who was that guy in the cowboy hat she was dancing with, she’d thought as she pulled out her phone to check her messages while she waited for the coffee to brew. The first message that popped up made her realize why she had such a strange feeling this morning. 

Alex 
6:45am: Hey it got really cold last night so remember to flip the switch on the boiler or you’re going to freeze your skinny little ass off! See you at 12:30? 

She looked at the date on her phone’s home screen; it was already noon on Saturday; 
she cussed aloud.  

“Aww shit! It’s fucking Saturday!” 

Zach was not at school; he had been at his dad’s all week and she was supposed to 
meet them both at the mall in half an hour to exchange custody. She leapt from the stool and ran back through the house to her bedroom, flung open the closet door, and grabbed the first set of clothes she could find, a grey sweater and a pair of blue jeans. When she turned around, there was a guy standing just outside her bathroom door half naked with a towel wrapped around his mid-section. 

“Holy shit!” She yelled and jumped back, startled, the clothes in her arms flying in the air as she did.  

“Ahhh!” The guy jumped as well, startled by her reaction and his towel fell to the floor. 

“What the hell? It’s just me, remember me, from last night?” 

She kept her hands up in defense but looked at him closer, straining her bloodshot eyes and her hazy memory of the night before for some recognition. It was the guy she recalled dancing with, minus the cowboy hat, and other accessories. She looked at him standing there naked. His hair was wet and steam rolled out of the bathroom door and into the bedroom behind him. Then, after a few moments, she remembered him driving her home and coming inside, but only after she heavily insisted, promising him a sex filled night.  

“Yeah, I remember, it’s Jake, right?” She asked as she slipped her robe off, letting it fall onto the floor, grabbed her sweater off the floor, and started to get dressed by putting her arms in the sweater and pulling it over her head.

“Mark,” he said picking up his towel while giving her an annoyed look. 

“Yeah Mark,” she groaned as her head pounded. She stopped dressing for a moment, 
put her hand on her throbbing head, and looked him in the eyes. “Look, I’m sorry. I am so fucking hung over right now and I can barely remember what happened last night.” Or the night before and the night before that she thought to herself. “But I have to go pick up my kid and I am already running late. So, I need you to get dressed and get out, please.” She sat down on the bed where her pants landed and pulled them up over her legs.  

“Yeah, I can do that,” he said hurrying over to a pile of clothes on the floor at the end of the bed. “Your car is still at Mickies, do you want me to give you a ride?” 

Mickies? Oh, the fucking bar. “Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!” She yelled, frustrated, into her 
palms as she covered her face. She dropped her hands into her lap and away from her face. “Yeah, I need a ride!” She said. She took a deep breath and then calmly looked over at Mark. “Yes, thank you.” 
 
They finished getting dressed in silence and she thought about how much more time it 
was going to take to get her car from the bar. The mall was fifteen minutes from the house and the bar was at least twenty minutes in the opposite direction; I am going to be late as hell. She grabbed her phone off the kitchen counter and went to text Alex; it was dead, fucking great! She headed out and met Mark outside the front door.  
“I could come by and work on your lawn this afternoon if you want.” Mark said as she 
turned to lock the door behind her.  

“What?” She said while she bolted the door.  

“It just needs a little mowing, and trimming, and it looks like a couple of your sprinklers 
might be stuck or broken.” He pointed to the yellow streaks on the lawn as she turned around. 

“I can winterize the sprinklers, too, since the weather is starting to turn.” 

The yard did look like hell, overgrown in some areas, dead in others, and her flower 
gardens were infested with weeds and grass.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” She said annoyed as she hurried Mark along the stone path towards the street. 

She recognized his truck parked at the curb; it was green with a business logo on the 
side that read, Green Thumb Landscaping. Under the writing there was a large icon of a green thumb with a nice, landscaped yard inside of it. Cheesy, she thought to herself, but that would help to explain his offer to fix her lawn. She noticed garden tools inside the bed of his truck as they reached the sidewalk and Mark hurried to the passenger door to open it for her.  

  “Thanks,” she said as she jumped up inside of the truck. She looked at the lawn as he 
went back around the front of the truck to get in and thought about the hours of work she did out there after the house was finished and they moved in. Their house was the newest and nicest house on the block, and she had wanted everything to look perfect. But now it looked almost abandoned, and she felt sad looking at it.  

“You seemed pretty mad at your friend last night, Megan, I think you said her name 
was.” Mark broke the silence after merging onto the highway heading north, which she was grateful for because it was a faster route to the bar.  

“Yeah, I guess I was.” The memory of dinner the night before struck her like blow across the face. Had she really been that mean to her friend.  
****** 
Jessica stood in line at the host station as she looked over the shoulder of the large, 
round man in line before her, scanning the crowded restaurant for her friend. The host, a small teenaged blond-haired boy, escorted the large man and a much smaller woman to their table. 

The smell of fresh bread and pasta sauce wafted through air as Jessica looked for her friend, but she had no luck finding her amongst the diners. 

“Just one tonight?” The host asked as he returned, reaching for a menu from 
underneath the stand. 

“Actually, I’m meeting a friend here, I’m running late so she might be seated already.” 

“Alright, what is your friends name?” He asked, looking at the list of names and a map 
that sat on the top of his stand. 

“Megan. Megan Castle.” 

“Right this way, Mrs. Trainor.” The boy guided her past several tables and towards the 
back of the restaurant.  Jessica was a bit wobbly from the drinks she had earlier, and she struggled to walk in a straight line behind the host. She saw her friend sitting alone, an empty bread basket, a half-filled glass of red wine, and ice water sitting in front of her. 

“Hey you,” she said as she went around the small square table to give Megan a hug.  

“Hey, you made it,” Megan said, clearly annoyed, as she stood up and gave Jessica a hug back. 

“Oh, you look so good, you curled your hair, and I love that dress,” Jessica said as she 
pulled back to look at her friend while keeping her hands on her waist.
 
“Aww, thank you,” Megan smiled and blushed.
 
Megan was always a sucker for flattery and Jessica could tell she was out of the 
doghouse, mostly anyways, not to say that she didn’t think Megan looked good. She liked her jet-black hair in curls, and her little white dress was cute. Jessica bumped into the table and nearly knocked over the glass of wine as she turned around and went over to her chair and sat down without acknowledging the little incident. 

“Sorry I’m late, Katie stopped by and we did a little pre-gaming,” Jessica said as she 
plopped down smiling and laughing while letting the lie roll easily off her tongue.
Katie had stayed over because she was too drunk to drive home. She had almost forgotten about dinner with Megan because she and Katie started drinking again around noon.  

“You pre-gamed for dinner? You’re almost an hour late,” Megan said raising her 
eyebrow. “I was about to leave when you texted me twenty minutes ago.” 
Okay, maybe she wasn’t out of the doghouse. “Yeah, just a few margaritas and a shot of tequila. We started talking about Katie’s new boy toy and lost track of time.” Another lie: they had been scrolling Tinder for dates. 

“Alright,” Megan said as she took a deep breath. “How is everything? I haven’t heard 
from you since everything between you and Alex was finalized. That was what, four months ago?” 

“Shit! Has it been that long already?” Jessica said as the waitress stopped at their table.
 
The waitress was a cute, bubbly, young twenty-something who read off all the drink and dinner specials from memory. Jessica ordered a margarita, and they both ordered salads and requested more breadsticks.
 
“I can’t believe it’s been that long; I guess I haven’t noticed because of how hectic 
everything has been.” A pang of guilt ran through her as she thought about all the times she ignored Megan’s texts and calls, but she didn’t like the fact that Megan’s husband and Alex were such close friends. Megan was just caught in the middle.
 
“I bet. I hope Ben and I never have to go through what you two are going through. How 
is Zach taking it?”
 
“He’s doing alright, I think.” She said as the waitress showed up with a fresh batch of 
bread and a bottle of chianti and filled both their glasses. “I mean, he doesn’t really talk about it that much.” 

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Megan asked as she grabbed a breadstick and butter. “Maybe some counseling would be good for him.” 

“Can you believe Alex tried to get the house? I mean, what the hell is that all about?” 
Jessica said, trying to change the subject. She could tell Megan didn’t want to stray from the topic of Zach, but she was too polite to push. 

“Really? Did he offer anything for it?  

“Well, he offered money, but that’s my home.” Jessica saw a frown come across 
Megan’s face. “What?” 

“Well, didn’t you say he did the design for the house back in college before you met? I 
thought you said it was his capstone project.” 

“Yeah, so!” Jessica did not like where this was going. 

“I’m just saying I understand why he wanted it is all. Was his offer at least market 
price?” 

It was above actually, Jessica thought, but she wasn’t going to say that now. “Yeah, but 
it doesn’t matter, that was my house.” 

“It was both of yours Jessica, that’s how marriage works,” Megan said between sips of 
wine. “I’m glad you got it, but you didn’t have more claim to it than he did.” 

“Why are you taking his fucking side, he’s the one who wanted the divorce, so fuck 
him!” Jessica yelled as she swallowed the glass of wine in one drink and looked towards the waitress while pointing to the glass.  

“I know, I know. I’m not trying to fight with you. Keep your voice down, I’m just worried 
about you. You haven’t really been yourself lately.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“Let’s just forget about it and have a good dinner. I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“No! You have things you want to say to me, say it!” Jessica could feel her face go hot 
and she slammed her hand down on the table. 

“Jessica!” Megan said sternly leaning in. “Everyone is looking at us.” 

“I don’t fucking care Megan. If you’re gonna be a bitch, then be a bitch in front of 
everyone!” 

“You want me to be a bitch? Fine, you got it! You are the one who had an affair, Jessica. 
Just because Alex never found out about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You started treating him like shit the second you met that other guy! I tried to tell you over and over that you were messing things up, but you didn’t listen, and now I’m trying to tell you that you’re messing things up again and you still won’t listen!” 

“How am I messing it up? It’s already been fucked up!” Jessica could hear their voices 
echo through the now silent restaurant. 

“I have had to go pick up Zach after school six times already this year because you got 
drunk and passed out and its only October, Jessica.  

“Fine, I’ll take you off Zach’s contact list, does that make you happy?” 

“No, I don’t mind helping you, but you need to quit drinking,” Megan’s eyes swelled 
with tears as she went on. “Alex told Ben that the teachers called the cops because you showed up with liquor on your breath while dropping Zach off. That’s at eight in the morning, Jessica!” 

Jessica cringed remembering that embarrassing morning, then turned her shame into 
anger. “Fuck you, Megan! I don’t have a problem with drinking! I have a my-husband-left-me-all alone-and-my-kid-hates-me problem, and now I guess I can add you to that list as well.” Jessica yelled again as she began to cry. 

An older guy with dark skin and a trimmed moustache walked up to their table. “I am 
going to have to ask you to leave. You are causing a scene,” he said to them both. 
“Oh, fuck you, too,” she leaned in closer to read the man’s name tag, “Octavio!” Jessica 
stood up, knocking her chair over behind her as she did, slowly smoothed out the wrinkles in her black dress, leaned across the table, spit in Megan’s face, and then turned around and marched out. 
****** 
Jessica gathered herself as Mark pulled his truck into the parking lot at Mickies. The 
smiling leprechaun on the sign above the door, which had appeared jovial and inviting the night before, now seemed to be laughing at her and mocking her hangover. The place was dark inside. Mark parked next to a white Escalade that brandished a large dent in its rear bumper. It was the only car parked in the lot.  

“Thanks!” Jessica said as she threw the door open and slid out of the truck. 

“Wait! You never said if you wanted me to come by and do the yard later.” 

“Yeah sure, whatever, I got to go,” she was not even paying attention to what he was 
saying as she slammed the door and hurried into the Escalade.
 
Once inside she put her foot on the brake and quickly pushed the button to start the 
vehicle and sat her phone on the charging pad in the middle of the center console.  

“Okay, let’s haul ass and text Alex and Zach along the way,” she said to the little yellow 
minion bobblehead that was pasted on the dashboard in front of the passenger seat.  It was the short and fat one-eyed minion from Despicable Me. it was her and Zach’s favorite. The little minion nodded vigorously in agreement as she pulled out of the parking and sped down the street.  
****** 
Jessica was over an hour late picking up Zach at the mall. Zach and Alex were both 
standing by Alex’ new Tesla that was parked in front of Best Buy. Zach was frowning and looked tired standing there in his Pokémon gear, which included shoes, coat, shirt, backpack, and hat. Zach loved his Pokémon. Alex was dressed up, wearing black slacks and a blue blazer over a nice white shirt; it reminded her of why he wanted to meet at 12:30 instead of the usual 3:00. One of his business partners was in town and they were having an important lunch meeting.
 
Alex was red in the face; this wasn’t the first time she had been late. She didn’t even try to produce a lie for the reason she was late, she knew there was no good excuse for it. So, she apologized to Alex and gave Zach a big hug, smashing his wireframed glasses into his face and knocking off his hat. She kissed the top of his head; his short brown hair smelled like strawberries. Zach shrugged off the kiss, picked up his hat, and climbed into the Escalade. As soon as Zach got into the car, Alex ripped her about everything, and they fought for a while, but she was struck silent when he said he was filing for full custody of Zach. 

“My lawyer already filed the paperwork.” He said, looking her directly in eyes. 
She was too ashamed to return his stare and looked at her feet as she began to cry. Alex didn’t let her leave with Zach until he was sure she hadn’t been drinking and was good to drive. As angry as it made her, she couldn’t blame him. She left without fighting him anymore, the shame and guilt nearly consuming her on the drive home. She had no argument against Alex’s claims, and she was probably going to lose Zach, and she tried to remember the last time she felt she had some control of herself and the situation she was in. 
****** 
“I don’t even know why you’re fighting me for it!” 

“Because I want it.” 

“You never even rode it!”  

“Well, maybe now I want to take it for a ride okay.” 

“You’re just doing this to spite me, and you damn well know it!” Alex threw his hat 
across garage in frustration.  

Jessica watched him vent his frustration in silence; she knew, because of ten years of 
marriage, that she had him right where she wanted him. 

“Fine!” He said after a moment. “I’ll let you have the Razr if you let me have the Harley. 
I know I gave you the Harley as a present, but I’m the only one who rides it, and I have the gear already.” 

Jessica unfolded her arms, stuffed her hands in her pants pockets, and pretended to 
think about Alex’s offer. But inside she was celebrating because this is exactly what she wanted all along. She didn’t know how much she would use the side by side either, but she wanted it.  

“Cmon dammit you know you’d rather have the side by side, quit playing games,” he 
pleaded. 

“Okay, fine,” she said as she let herself smile over her victory while pushing down any 
guilt that tried to bully its way in. He’s the one who wanted all this, it’s his fault they are separating and dividing their shit up in the first place. She could tell that Alex wasn’t exactly happy, but the agreement did seem to calm him down a bit. 

“Alright, well I’ll call the mediator and let her know that we swapped those. Do you 
mind if I pick up Zach from school this afternoon?” He said walking over to pick up his hat that had landed on a shelf next to some big red gas cans, his short brown hair had grown a bit shaggy and was sticking up funny from wearing the hat. “I know it’s supposed to be your week, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to take him to get pizza and then to the movies tonight to see the new Superman movie for an early birthday, since I have to work nights on his actual birthday Friday.”He grabbed his hat and turned towards her, giving her a pleading look before putting it back on his head. 

“Yeah of course, just make sure to go over his spelling words at dinner or on your way 
over to the movies, he needs practice. Mrs. Campbell says he’s failing.”  

“That’s because he pronounces all his words wrong like his mother,” he said with a 
halfhearted tease, and even spared a little grin while walking back over, his blue Yankees cap now in place.  

She laughed a bit and let herself smile back at him for what seemed like the first time in years. “Yeah, I know, but still, try to help him please. He studies better with you for some reason than me.” 

“Yeah, I will. Thanks for this,” he said, giving her a sincere look before he walked out of 
the garage and towards his old pick-up truck. “I’ll have him back after the movie, probably around nine.” 

“K, sounds good, have fun,” she said as she walked further into the garage, over to the 
door that led inside the house and hit the little white button on the wall to shut the garage door. She decided that she was going to be happy with the way they ended that conversation. It was almost normal, she thought, while the big door came down and shadows chased the sunlight from garage.  
****** 
Jessica sat at the marble-topped breakfast bar in her kitchen, an unopened bottle of 
tequila sitting in front her; her shaking hands wrapped around a mug of coffee. The house was warmer now, since she turned on the furnace, but it didn’t matter, she still felt cold. The bottle beckoned for her to drown her troubles once again and let it all just slip away. She was struggling to fight the urge.
 
Zach had been in his room for hours playing X-Box; he was still mad at her. He had every right to be, she had been neglecting him for so long. She had been avoiding time with him because he resembled his father so much and she blamed Alex for all of this. She had also tried to call Megan several times, but she didn’t answer. Jessica didn’t blame her, either. So instead, she poured her heart out to Megan in a long text.
 
She was finally taking responsibility for her actions, and it hurt her to admit to herself 
what all she had caused. She felt like a shell of her normal self. Her skin and hair were dry and nasty; her nails were chipped and chewed. Inside she felt wasted, brittle, and thin, like a plastic bag that had been stretched beyond its capacity and was nearly breaking. She wanted that bottle of Cuervo, wanted to drink it all and forget all her troubles. Instead, she let herself feel everything, every bit of it. For the first time in months, she let it all in. 

The ache in her chest and stomach was too much, and she was incapable of holding 
back a flood of tears. Her breath came and went with wracking sobs, and she placed a hand over her mouth to suppress the noise, for Zach’s sake. For several moments she was unable to do anything but sob. She couldn’t believe she let things get this bad; it was as if a dark cloud hung over her that she was just barely seeing for the first time. She thought about the first time she went to hunting camp with her father when she was young. 

She was about nine and she was so happy to have her dad all to herself. She was the 
oldest of four children and there wasn’t a lot of one-on-one time with her parents. He showed her how to build a fire, and how to sharpen a knife. They went to all his favorite hunting spots, and he showed her footprints in the mud and told her which animals they belonged to. She smiled at herself, remembering how she laughed when he showed her poop and told her which animals that belonged to as well. Then, on the third day of the weeklong adventure, while Jessica was reading by the fire, she felt a cold gust of wind and heard her dad say. 

“Looks like a nasty storm is moving in.” 

She looked up to see her dad staring off into the distance and when she followed his 
gaze, she could see dark clouds rolling over the peaks of the mountains, blotting out the sun, and dumping down rain and snow. She was so sad to see the storm coming, and she held back tears, trying to be tough in front of her father, but she wasn’t ready to go home yet and now they were going to have cut the trip short and head back home.
 
That was the same feeling she was having now, a big black storm of her own creation 
had come in and ruined her life, and she didn’t even see it ‘til now. She let out a sob and covered her aching chest, hoping it would help. Then she remembered what happened next on that day at hunting camp. 

Her father looked at her, and she tried to smile, but a tear fell from her eye as she did. 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” He said as came over to where she sat and put his hand on her 
shoulder. 

“I don’t want to go home yet,” she said, still trying to hold back tears. 
Her father laughed and smiled. “We’re not going to let some nasty old storm chase us 
off this mountain, are we?
 
She looked at him confused, but she shook her head side to side. 

“We have plenty food, shelter, and warmth, and it might be a good thing the storm is 
coming in, it gets those elk moving and we might have a better chance to see one. Yeah, it might be cold and wet while we are hunting, but sometimes you have to endure through the bad to get to the good on the other side.” 

I haven’t endured this, she thought to herself. I haven’t endured a damn thing; I just 
stuffed it all down and poured liquor on top of it.
 
The sound of a lawn mower outside her front door startled her from her thoughts. She 
slowly got up, wiping the tears from her cheeks and she walked out of the kitchen and over to the front window in the living room. It was Mark, he had his truck parked on the street again, only this time the tailgate was down, and he had unloaded several tools, including a lawn mower and trimmer. 

He was dressed for work now, wearing boots, brown canvas pants, and a green and 
black long sleeved flannel shirt. He had just started mowing the lawn. She was surprised to see that he actually came back. He had been very nice to her even though she had been pretty damn rude to him through it all. She had been so selfish, cruel, and daft to all those around her. Sadness began to overtake her again, when suddenly, a feeling of resolve overcame her. She needed to make it right, all of it, she needed to do better. One step at a time, she thought as she watched Mark work. She straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin, and went back into the 
kitchen. She grabbed the bottle of Cuervo and dumped it out amongst the dirty dishes in the sink. Then she looked around the mess of dishes for a coffee mug, washed it, filled it with black coffee and hazelnut creamer, and headed out the front door to greet Mark.  

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About the author:
Brandon Finley is a writer and business major in his third year at Western. He is working towards a creative writing certificate as well.