College: A Parent’s Steppingstone

Whether you planned to be a parent or it sprung onto you as shockingly quick as Wyoming winters... “mom”, “dad”, or what-have-you, isn’t the end-all of your identity. Far too often parents face the stigma that once they have a child, that’s all that’s left in their lives – married parents, moms, dads, single parents, whatever path you’ve been placed on. The cold, hard truth? The too-impossible pill to swallow? Your story never ended. And it certainly isn’t over.

College can seem like a world away when your nights are spent soaked in burp-up and hands clammy from fifteen nightly diaper changes. How can you study when your child tugs on your pants every five minutes? How can you fit doctor appointments around busy classes? How can you be you when “you” started being:

“How’s the baby?”

“Just wait until…”

“Treasure these moments.”

In all the busy nights broken up by crying and every day spent wondering, 'how can I do better?' and 'where did you go?' College may look like a dream, maintaining passing grades even harder, but a half-lived life leaves questions unanswered. Wouldn’t it be better to know the definites rather than the maybes? “You” are what you turn it into, remembering you are human first, with dreams one decision away from reality.

It's time to redefine success on your own terms. Set aside that parental guilt — you’re setting an example simply by loving yourself and showing your children the grind never stops. Ask yourself: what used to make you light up? What got you out of bed every morning, made your gears start churning? What do you find yourself daydreaming of now? That’s where your identity starts, lost to the sands of time. Since then, your interests may have changed, but there’s one underlying truth: if you were human once, you can be human again.

With redefining success, it all boils down to not only what’s feasible, but what feels right to you. Success doesn’t have to look like a full-time workload or sitting in a classroom all day. Keep an eye out for evening, weekend, or online classes, and consider part-time options to prevent burn-out. Be honest about your time and reinforce flexibility either by earning your degree over several years instead of two or whatever schedule fits your own unique needs. This is a journey. Not a race.

Most of all, forgive yourself. Plans may change, but that’s just one of many steps to rediscovery. Allow yourself the same grace you would a child as you’re still learning no matter your age or experience; this is your first time on this planet, so how can you be expected to do everything right? Life is not a straight line, especially not for parents juggling school, work, and family. Every shift in another direction is a chance to realign yourself with you are now, not who you used to be or what’s expected of a parent.

So, at the end of the day, ask yourself: when you look in the mirror, what do you see? And how can you get to be a person again?